romance.

this grabbed me. it still does…

and I’m shuddering at it…

it seems all so surreal. yet it felt like a forgotten memory.

“When I think about the first time we met, it had never crossed my mind that I could ever win your heart. You always seemed that distant, impossible figure and I could only content myself with admiring you from far. I knew that I could have made it easy for myself. I could have chosen someone else and foresee a life that would have been perfectly safe, stable and boring. I suppose it eventually became abundantly clear to me that I could not imagine anyone else to spend my life with, nor to fall so helplessly in love with.

So, faced with rejection, with so much uncertainty about the future and the very real possibility of you leaving my life forever.. even then, I chose you, and everything that came or will come with that choice.

I chose you. Even when you made it so hard. Even when you made me want to give up sometimes.

But whenever I look at you from across a room, or when you’re standing in front of me and looking right through me, all with a smile playing around the edges of your mouth, I can only think:

“That’s it. She’s got me.”

ok, maybe it’s an inner desire.. something I secretly feel when I read a book or watch a movie…

Can such romance exist?

I’m not the kind of romantic that longs for ‘love-love’

I believe with every ounce of my being that God not any God, but my DADDYGOD loves me.

but somehow, it’s those times when I read a book, watch a film, and hear a song…

a extremely strange memory surfaces. somewhat familiar yet distant.

I remember reading that particular paragraph above and there seems to be an ache inside.

tugging feeling – a pull on my heart that bring a tinge of pain.

so subtle yet sharp.

can such romance exist? somehow I’ve got mixed feelings.

“this has to be just a nicely painted picture, nothing but a story, and only kept to the realm of fiction.”

disbelief – not cynicism.

but I’m sure this is only for this season. being single for the bulk of my life, I guess I find it hard to believe because of countless rejections before.

well, I rant.

and Jesus I know you hear me. – Romance me in a way that I longed to be romanced.

and she would just remain at the corner of eye.

stealing glances and silent hoping.
the fear of rejection and an ebbing ache.

don’t spare me from this Lord..don’t…. Let me enjoy this moment with you. a silent admiration, a force so strong that it knocks me of my feet and breaks my focus.

it’s actually quite an experience I want to share with you Lord. it’s an intimate communion that I allow you to mingle with every part of my emotions.

haha. I rant.

and this is it for the day.

I’ve drawn out deep quite abit.