Archive for November, 2008

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junkie.

November 25, 2008

I had my withdrawal symptoms today. Gosh.

Shivering fingers and fleeting attention. I feel really edgy now, my eyes dart around and i’m desperately finding something to do.

I need a sermon. I need to down the word, His word. I need my daily bread NOW.

Thank God for the Sony PSP. It’s my portable sermons collection. I traded in my games for His word. Worth it.

Now i need a extra battery, and a larger memory stick. Then it’ll be awesome, more music and sermon – longer time. (:

Jesus, there’s RT later, i pray i doesn’t take too long. And give me the energy and will to go for Pastor H’s session later. I REALLY wanna go down.

Now Lord, accelerate my mind, i give one tenth of my mind, help me tap to the other 90% of it. Bless me Lord, I know i got many things to do, help me get started. Thanks daddyGod. (:

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ah pa, ah pa.

November 24, 2008

pa, i have a thousand and one things to tell you.

and i’m sure you have the time and willingness to listen.

You confirmed it when i picked up that book. “You don’t have to drag God aside to listen to you, He ALWAYS listens.”

So i shall rant. To you daddyGod, and i hope i find my answers in you.

Time has been a fleeting commodity, and i’ve been quite a horrid steward of it. Well i can’t ’store’ time, and i seem to have very little of it lately. 24 hours seem so meager.

Oh, and this season of growing up.. it’s painful. There are days when i just wanna shirk from responsibilities and just play and no bother about deadlines, money and all…

and yea, i’m pretty sure that all 20 year olds face the same thing sometime or another. So don’t mind me, i’m just ranting. (Betcha’ relating too eh?)

Jesus, though i feel like i’m screwing up big time, and i could have probably done a better job with my life, i do forget that MY life is YOURS.

true, i expected a prettier life after two damn long decades (and FIVE damn long decades for some), but often the pretty cakes on display aren’t as fresh and those baking in the oven.

Which do you prefer?

…Stale cakes from the counter, fast, pretty, to-go.

or freshly baked cakes from the oven, it’s only a matter of time before you can put it in your tummy, just wait.

I’m being baked now, like a good lil’ cookie, i’m being kissed by the flames and expanding from a tiny cookie dough to a brown round mean cookie.

You don’t eat half-baked cookies do you? Neither do you want to live a half baked life do you imm?

It’s little wonder why people consider half-bakeness detestable, think about all the half baked truths and half baked lies you’ve been listening to. Distasteful eh?

I don’t wanna be half baked, i wanna be well done. Yummy smelling and complete. I wanna be a Jesus cookie. Ok let’s remove the cookie part, i wanna be like Jesus. (:

Lord, there so many things that are making me edgy now. IPPT, Events, Ops, work, lack of play, team members, comm members, camp.

I forget, i forget why i’m here. Again.

Remind me dad. Why did you make me?

ok maybe not that question. Too tough for me to comprehende’

But Jesus tell me what am I good at, and how i can use my strengths to glorify you best.

I don’t care about what i CANNOT do, because I know you made me to be able to do ALL things, because you strengthen me.

Help me pass IPPT, help me cross that 7 secs and the finish the 6th or even 8th pull-up.

Help me finish my operational matters, give me strength and authority to lead well.

Most of all. Manifest in and through me, that i don’t beg for strength, I simply tap on it and use it to it’s full glory.

Jesus, be it unto me according to your word.

So if I stand, 
     let me stand on the promise that You will see me through,
and if i can’t,
    let me fall on the Grace that first brought me to You.

And if i sing
    let it be for the joy that has born in me this songs.
and if i weep
     let it be as a man who is
                                    longing for
                                                his home…

 

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saved.

November 17, 2008

i liked yesterday’s message by Pastor Peter.

now I’m convicted of my salvation.

now i’m convicted of my identity.

I’m a prisoner of hope.

so, for the days to come… till camp arrives. Let this journey of serving reflect you. Glorify you.

Let the youths truly Encounter Jesus intimately like never before.

I’m saved, and i’m lovin’ it. (:

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i know it’s you..

November 14, 2008

Lord, i already know it’s you behind this.

and when this whole camp rolls out. when the youths come in.
it will be be you glorified. not me, not the ministry.

You Lord. Only you.

Psa 115:1
Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us, But to Your name give glory, Because of Your mercy, Because of Your truth. (NKJV)

Not to us, O LORD, but to you goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness. (NLT)

Point to note.

During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God.

And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. Exodus 2:23-24 (English Standard Version)

He remembers His promise. He always does.

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christmas approaches.

November 14, 2008

i look forward to Christmas. I always look forward to Christmas.

yes, maybe it’s much to early to anticipate the arrival of the most loved holiday of winter.

Mom said something really interesting over dinner last night. While the TV News was talking about the economy and christmas spending.. She said: “This year’s Christmas is going to be very different.”

And my initial reaction was, “Yeah, looks like there’ll be less Christmas shopping this year”

With the financial slow-mo and all, bet Hasbro and Bandai Toy’s are already in the work of producing budget toys already eh? or maybe piggy banks and mini-ATMs will be in the rage this year!

Yes yes, I know Christmas isn’t about commercials and gifts.

But inevitably Christmas would be different with the economic shaking… Yes, maybe credit cards will be nothing but plastic. Yes, no doubt this year some families will have to tide through the season without lavish spending.

I guess this will be the season where most people will begin to admit that they need help. And perhaps, they might admit that they need Divine help – God.

I guess this year desperate hearts will become ransomed hearts. This year Bethlehem’s star shines for those who seek the savior.

We never stop to wonder why the angel Gabriel appeared to the shepherds the day God in flesh was born eh? We tend to believe that Bethlehem’s made up of shepherds in fields and all. (Well i did.)

I did a quick google on shepherds and their appearance in the Nativity story.

And realised that shepherds weren’t exactly the best of people around the region. They were smelly, hard people, I mean they sleep with sheep in the open. Their jobs weren’t exactly glamorous – They had to take care of sheep 24/7. That means they missed Synagogue services and the major feasts.

According to the Jewish religious law, they were considered unclean, outcasts because they cannot keep the Sabbath due to their occupation. Oh, and the sheep that they lovingly look after? They’re destined for sacrifice. What do you think the sheep were for, shepherds will never eat their own lambs.

The sheep weren’t exactly their own as well. They are shepherds, not farmers, they watch over someone’s sheep, someone wealthy enough to own a herd of sheep.

So the shepherds were poor, uneducated, unclean and hard people. And Gabriel appeared to such people declaring good news.

That must be good news indeed for the shepherds, the Messiah is born, freedom for them!

Shepherds aren’t necessary bad people, some of them were kind, tender, strong and resourceful. Come on, they live in the open, and they have to defend the flock from predators, surely they are strong. They’ll never kill the lamb for a meal, aren’t they kind and tender? And they have to find water for the flock, even if it mean digging for it, their resourcefulness waters the flock.

But God didn’t choose the shepherds for their strengths. He choose shepherds to be the first witness of the birth of His son simply because He loved them.

Yes, He called the shepherds to spread news of the birth of the God-in-flesh. Yes, the good news was delivered by them. But God didn’t chose them for their eloquence. In fact, shepherds aren’t even allowed to bear testimony in court as their words aren’t consider trustworthy.

Isn’t it like God to choose the lowly to shame the strong, the wise and the haughty.

Poor, sinful and needy people. God invited them first and before expensive gifts given by the Magi, God gave them a priceless gift – His own son.

And once outcast people began to bear testimony of the King who was born. And people believed them. Transformation had began.

And that night when Bethlehem’s star hung bright, the shepherds might as well be the richest people on the face of the earth, for they had seen God and held him as He held them.

The economic slow-mo may have made some poor, some needy. This Christmas, poor, sinful and needy people will once again have an appointment with God. Only this time, blood has been shed, their sins washed away.

This will be a different Christmas indeed.

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penning down some thoughts.

November 13, 2008

Mary carried the Saviour of the world in her womb.

How pressuring is that?

and like any human, thoughts wander some times… Mary believed that God has called her. But Mary did wander how is she going to raise the Messiah from a child to a man.. how is she going to deliver the child..

So many thoughts and ‘what if’s…

Finally the child is due and Joseph is desperately finding lodging for his wife to deliver. Mary is left alone with the son of God, knees weak and lips quivering.

Imagine how it felt, having a calling, hearing his voice… yet feeling weak and alone.

We know how the story ended. And it’s told over and over again every christmas.

Jesus was born. Not because Mary was faithful (though she was), not because Joseph was responsible (though he was) but because God is faithful and true.

You see it’s not about them, it was never about them. The three magi sought the baby King not his mortal parents. It all ends up with God glorified.

So what happens when i come to the place of knee weak and lip quivering?
Do what Mary did, hang on. Forget about yourself. Let God find rest for you.

~

Seeking men’s approval is the most dangerous snare yet.

Human honey can never satisify, it only causes an inquenchable thirst that could never be satisfied.

When you forsake the sweet wine of Christ for human honey. You essentially traded in your Godiva chocolate for m&ms, your Posche for a Toyota and your true self for a mask.

What matters is God’s seal of approval that overrides every human opinion of you. Why fear men when God approves of you.

Has he not called you. Who are human voices to speak against the voice of His majesty?

Feed on the true sweetness of the Lord and not flakly human honey which is addictive and unfulfilling.

Psalms 188 challenges the flesh: “what can mere men do to me?” If God has marked you, NOTHING can erase His seal on you.

I belong to Jesus. I’m sealed.

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life begins at the intersection.

November 13, 2008

last one for the day.

Jesus loves me still. HA.

Everything about me fades away – in the light of His wonderful grace.

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correction.

November 13, 2008

i love correction.

i really do.

because it tells me how good God is. (like really good.)

i stand corrected again. (: thanks j, appreciate the link.

haha, it felt like a slap, a wake up call from self-pity and condemnation. but in reality?

it was just a nudge from a smiling God. I guess i blew things out of proportion haven’t i?

Like what Edmund said: “eh you still young la, can learn somemore” haha, amen brother.

Correction is never painless. But thank God it’s pain to the flesh. Strength to the spirit man.

It’s not about me. I wake up every morning and i fail to read the banner on my wall – It’s not about you, it’s all about Jesus.

It’s about time i relocate the banner. Or i’ll just make it a point to remember this.

“It’s all about Jesus.”

I matter. I know I do.. It’s about Jesus, I’m in Jesus.

I matter alot.
To Him.

The Lord is my shepherd.

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i give you my heart, i give you my soul…

November 13, 2008

I am a good leader.
Because I am GOD’s leader.

a faithful server is a blessed giver.

dad, I give you my all. my best and my worst.

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eat your words.

November 13, 2008

i’d eat my words if it hadn’t been for daddyGod’s love and reassurance…

Damn it… just damn it…

When you read emails and thoughts bubble in your head… Why they’re putting this person in charge of this and leaving you out clueless… yada yada…

I’d be straight with myself and admit. This envy thing is not mine, i reject its sodding annoying appearance in my thoughts.

It’s for the youths. It’s for their good and God’s glory. I will not let my pride get it the way of precious children whom i know God has called me to bless…

I love kids, especially God’s kids, i will not compromise in giving them my best for their camp.

And i definitely believe that God loves me still. I’m righteous, gifted and still valuable to Him. Even if i feel left out and ’seemingly not good a leader’.

I’m of a royal priesthood, and i belong to God – How can i be of any lesser value than what GOD.. GOD has valued me.

selah. selah indeed.