psalms 51-.

by e

Psalms 51.

this was the most precious psalm to me. I remember ever running through the whole of psalms once.

but when it comes to memory – I remember this psalm most.

it was when I was in secondary school. I was already in the youth ministry of New Creation Church. Saved and redeemed.

but this psalm came to me when I got on fire for blogging about the goodness of my daddyGod – hence

I found a blogskin made by a christian that featured part of this Psalm.

and this was that part.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

I had just returned to the youth minstry after leaving it for about a year…

The year I returned, it was an accelerated journey in the ministry. that year I was asked to attend a ‘mighty-man’ meeting. (mighty-man refers to being a smaller youth leader)

I left the youth ministry actually quite depressed. I struggled with many vices then.

Pornography was one major one.

and I left condemned and dejected – I could never be like the rest of the youths. and that spreaded to my school life – I went to be a backseater and I remember being very broken…

and funny though I had a memory lapse of that particular year…all the stupid things I did back then became blur – as though a painful memory erased.

I hated myself that whole time…even when I return to the youth ministry miraculously, there were times I still struggled with self hatred…

till I read that Psalm… just simply the first part touched me…

“For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba”

Firstly David professed that this was his psalm..and didn’t hide behind a moniker or mask..

and it was about the murder/adultery David committed…

I was encouraged. I wasn’t alone – (not like I murdered anyone) but I’m encourage to know that the man after God’s own heart had failed so badly even after he became King… and yet still God put Him on the Throne and out ofBathsheba came the heir of the throne…and the world’s wisest man…

The man who wrote beautiful praise Psalms was utterly broken once…

16For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.

17My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.

a broken spirit is an acceptable sacrifice.

and He’ll not despise.

I couldn’t comprehend such love sometimes. I don’t intend to. but as far as I know.

I’m loved by that very incomprehensible love.

this is part one. (: