An epiphany.

by e

My Utmost for His Highest – Oct 3
Uncle Muthu – EJ3 Part II
Uncle Muthu – EJ3 Part I

Just some links that i want to keep to remind me that God doesn’t abandon me on my journey… that he foresaw what was to come and yet he didn’t remove the obstacles – He made me go through the narrow way, the tight hoop with goo on it (private joke), the big stretch…

These links remind me why i’m doing what i’m doing and why I can stop doing the things i don’t wanna do and do the things He has set me to do. (Yes quite a mouthful)

It’s been awhile since i’ve been to Sean’s blog. Funny, I went to his ancient LJ blog instead of his multiply site. It seems like i had an epiphany, I woke up from my short lunch time nap and i suddenly decided to read the ol’ uncle muthu blog, only God knows how to transcend depression and stubborness and go straight to my heart. And he brought me back to this particular post Sean wrote about EJ camp, this one i loved alot because it contains the background of how ‘Fall Afresh on Me’ was written.

2001. Sean was serving the Nation. I just entered secondary school.

2008. I’m the one serving the nation, and the story of how Fall afresh on me was written encourages me.

it’s been 8 good years since the song was written.

And i quote: “It was 2001, in the wee hours of the morning in Pulau Tekong, SISPEC G coy barracks. Sean was sitting down at the coy line staircase with his guitar and plucking random notes out of it.

It was the “silent years” where he simply just did nothing except be a soldier. Not serving in ministry because of his “stay in” vocation, just on the island for 6 days a week, serving a sometimes strenuous duty to the nation. “

I remember Sean once wrote about enjoying the sheep years.. (don’t ask me how i remember his posts, i just do, blessed memory…’Uncle Muthu’ was my secondary school favourite blog-bite)

And those ‘silent years’ perfectly describes the sheep years… The following of the shepherd, eating, sleeping and repeating the process tomorrow.

Sean wrote a beautiful song as a sheep, with a shepherd’s heart of course, but still as a baa baa sheep… He wasn’t serving in a ministry… but in service to His nation, through doubt and quietness… He wrote his prayer down, and that heartfelt prayer has been heard by twelve thousand people today.

imm, have you prayed lately? have you come to the end of yourself and cry out to God?
I’m not speaking in a religious sense, i’m not asking whether you’ve done your meditations and rites, i’m not even asking whether you’ve done your quiet time…

imm, have you prayed like Jabez lately? Have you prayed a selfish prayer?

Jabez asked God to bless Him, deliver him from himself – pain. He asked everything pertaining to his own good, things in our context like, make me rich (bless me), give me a bigger house (Enlarge my tents), comfort me and make me look good (may your hand be with me), keep flu away from me and keep me healthy (keep me from harm), keep depression away from me (free me from pain).

Jesus you’re my Lord was written by Pastor Dan a long time ago (it wasn’t a recent thing)… I remember him last singing it when i was in the first EJ Camp, my final camp as a mighty man.

and this song that ministers, just like Fall afresh on me wasn’t written to impress, they weren’t written to fill a space in the church album.. and gosh, they weren’t even written to minister to thousands. They were written to God himself, the new song, the sound of melodies…

Sean reminds me why I’m serving God… why there’s a season to rest and a season to labour abundantly…

Just as he didn’t want to lose his voice during the five day camp… so did i wanted to excel in my ministry…

I quote him once more.. this time paraphrased to how i interpet it…

Just like how a guitar or a keyboardist won’t hurt their fingers or their strings and keys while playing, excellence doesn’t mean to overwork your instrument till it breaks… Excellence is honoring the instrument and gift God has given you… Protect it, feed it, practice it, but don’t damage it… you won’t damage what you love would you… I know i will NEVER break my guitar…

As much as I want to be excellent,  as brave and gungho as it seems, i should not dishonour my ‘instrument’ by the sterness of duty and the blindness of religous service…

daddyGod loves for me to serve in his house, but he does not want me to burn out… what is service when you serve to burn out? To properly take care of my instrument is to love it, but even my love is not enough, I must bring in God’s love into the picture… and what is the instrument or rather who is the instrument?

I am! and to take care of me is to let God love me.

Service to God is letting God serve you.

Only THE beloved can give it all out. Because the beloved first takes it all. He takes all of God’s love. Only the beloved has the priviledge to recieve and to bless…

I am at rest now. (:

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