ah pa, ah pa.

by e

pa, i have a thousand and one things to tell you.

and i’m sure you have the time and willingness to listen.

You confirmed it when i picked up that book. “You don’t have to drag God aside to listen to you, He ALWAYS listens.”

So i shall rant. To you daddyGod, and i hope i find my answers in you.

Time has been a fleeting commodity, and i’ve been quite a horrid steward of it. Well i can’t ‘store’ time, and i seem to have very little of it lately. 24 hours seem so meager.

Oh, and this season of growing up.. it’s painful. There are days when i just wanna shirk from responsibilities and just play and no bother about deadlines, money and all…

and yea, i’m pretty sure that all 20 year olds face the same thing sometime or another. So don’t mind me, i’m just ranting. (Betcha’ relating too eh?)

Jesus, though i feel like i’m screwing up big time, and i could have probably done a better job with my life, i do forget that MY life is YOURS.

true, i expected a prettier life after two damn long decades (and FIVE damn long decades for some), but often the pretty cakes on display aren’t as fresh and those baking in the oven.

Which do you prefer?

…Stale cakes from the counter, fast, pretty, to-go.

or freshly baked cakes from the oven, it’s only a matter of time before you can put it in your tummy, just wait.

I’m being baked now, like a good lil’ cookie, i’m being kissed by the flames and expanding from a tiny cookie dough to a brown round mean cookie.

You don’t eat half-baked cookies do you? Neither do you want to live a half baked life do you imm?

It’s little wonder why people consider half-bakeness detestable, think about all the half baked truths and half baked lies you’ve been listening to. Distasteful eh?

I don’t wanna be half baked, i wanna be well done. Yummy smelling and complete. I wanna be a Jesus cookie. Ok let’s remove the cookie part, i wanna be like Jesus. (:

Lord, there so many things that are making me edgy now. IPPT, Events, Ops, work, lack of play, team members, comm members, camp.

I forget, i forget why i’m here. Again.

Remind me dad. Why did you make me?

ok maybe not that question. Too tough for me to comprehende’

But Jesus tell me what am I good at, and how i can use my strengths to glorify you best.

I don’t care about what i CANNOT do, because I know you made me to be able to do ALL things, because you strengthen me.

Help me pass IPPT, help me cross that 7 secs and the finish the 6th or even 8th pull-up.

Help me finish my operational matters, give me strength and authority to lead well.

Most of all. Manifest in and through me, that i don’t beg for strength, I simply tap on it and use it to it’s full glory.

Jesus, be it unto me according to your word.

So if I stand, 
     let me stand on the promise that You will see me through,
and if i can’t,
    let me fall on the Grace that first brought me to You.

And if i sing
    let it be for the joy that has born in me this songs.
and if i weep
     let it be as a man who is
                                    longing for
                                                his home…