rant.

by e

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don’t want to hear them say
“You’re no good at this”

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I’m meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

-Scars (Stronger For Life), Corrinne May

~~*

Yes, I’m tired. Burnt.

I want a break. I really want a break Lord.

I don’t think serving you should be a back-breaking and heart breaking process.

I understand the need of breaking, humbling.

I understand the need for stretching.

I understand the need for correction.

But.

It’s getting too much.

I’m shaken.

Shaking is good when it’s done by the Lord – so that the unshakable things may remain. But I think I’m on the wrong ground Lord. I’m on the shakable ground, unsafe and dangerous ground.

I love the adventure Lord, I love the thrills. But today Lord, I decide to take a break – a rest.

Today, I want to be embraced by you. Today I want to lie on your bosom and rest. Today I want to be fed by you.

I really want to overcome, I really want to possess the land. 
I’m feeling horrible… really really unhappy with life now.

So I really don’t want to praise you Lord, I don’t want to go church, I don’t want to do anything. I’m too tired to pray.

Yet, right now. I WILL Praise you. I will pray. I will listen to you word. My flesh resists, my heart cries out. But I WILL CHOOSE TO BELIEVE YOUR WORD. I still choose believe even though I can’t.

I will hope even if I can’t. I will praise even if I feel defeated.

I will give you a sacrifice of praise. I will not sacrifice what doesn’t cost me. I will praise you, even if it costs me to throw away my misery and self pity.

I still choose to believe you word. I believe Lord, help me believe.

Help me… Believe…

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